It's like God shit irony all over that family
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
