It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
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Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
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