I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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