roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
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he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
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I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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