My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
