Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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