I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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