found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.