he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on