i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
