I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween