I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying