sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk