she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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