I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
