Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I need to stop coming to work sober
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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