Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
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Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
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Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize