p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
