Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
