New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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