I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
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I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
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Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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