I looked at my own cervix.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
