I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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