1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
