i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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