Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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