I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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