Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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