You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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