last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
