Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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