K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
