i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
