He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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