So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I wish you could order shots online.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
