So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
