She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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