And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
