I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
