The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
