I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
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Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
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You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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