I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
