Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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