I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
