The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My liver just broke up with me...
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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