why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
