i love accidental penises.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
