life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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