My first STD was from a foam party
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
