I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
