Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
