When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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