haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
