There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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