yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
