he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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