Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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