It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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