Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize