You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
