I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
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Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
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6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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