i think my mom watched the whole time
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm passing your future prison.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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