New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
two words...techno handjob
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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