If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
