I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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